6.29.2012

Crying and Flying

raindrops
Cutting and arranging raindrops--made from watercolor on paper and vintage papers
raindrops2
Layered background with vintage notebook paper and coffee-stained paper
Red Heart in Progress6
Finishing up the details on the feathers of my red patchwork winged heart


I feel kind of like a record stuck on repeat. I'm really happy with the progress I'm making on these two collages (blogged earlier in-progress here and here). But I just feel so stuck, especially in relation to my blog, who I want to be and what I want to give. Do you ever feel that way? The natural progression of what I've been building here is to dig in deeper and keep sharing more of my heart. Instead, it's like I feel myself recoiling, scared that I've shared too much, afraid to break wide-open. 


Funny, in this post on my birthday (Groundhog's Day) I referred to "seeing my shadow," or I said that my relative silence on my blog didn't mean that I had seen my shadow, that I wasn't going to run and hide. At that time I didn't realize how perfect a picture this was to describe the way I've been feeling!


This is me NOT running and hiding. Or at least it's a start.  Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm afraid of being vulnerable.


Does it make sense in this world, the way we often feel like we're "crying" and "flying" at the same time? This week I cut melancholy blue paper raindrops in between painting delicate wings on a victorious red heart. Does this ever happen to you?  Struggle mixes with joy so that it becomes difficult to feel one without the other? Perhaps I've grown weary of telling the story. It's hard work, after all, making yourself vulnerable. Or maybe I'm just weary of words, because the paint and paper are bigger comforts than ever. But somehow, I have been called to use these words too, as raw as it often leaves me.  So vulnerable I will be, even if it means fighting for it. 


More on Monday, friends...


Linking up with Studio JRU Paint Party

22 comments:

  1. In the famous song lyrics of Jewel...."I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."

    Yes....your feelings resonate with me as well. I think your willingness to break free will take you there...eventually. Blogging really helps to open people up, and art is a form of therapy..so there you have it!

    I love your work, and the symbolism within. Keep on sharing.
    ciao bella
    creative carmelina

    I'm off to peek at your shop.

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  2. I am reminded of song lyrics from a country song: "Life Ain't always Beautiful but it's a beautiful Life."

    Beautiful beautiful!

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  3. Loving your beautiful collages. Happy PPF, Annette x

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  4. your collages are beautiful- I love the raindrops! Great job!

    Yes, I feel that way often- thank you for opening up and sharing the beautiful words as well.

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  5. Love your work, nice colors in the raindrops.

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  6. Your collage is so beautiful, I really like the way you put everything together!!!

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  7. yes yes yes and yes
    i have so felt the sadness and joys of life intertwined so closely I could not even see which was which...just posted about it actually ; )
    i think it is the expressive side of life
    feeling so close to all emotions

    have a beautiful weekend
    as you cry and fly sweet Sadie
    embrace your vulnerability

    love and light

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  8. I think everybody has their ups and downs. We can feel exhilirated one day, and weepy the next. But regardless of how we feel, I think we should not let our feelings control what we do. We should be committed to our purpose and bring whatever gifts we have out and share them. You have wonderful gifts!

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  9. Thank you all for your encouraging comments! I love the way we can all connect in blog-land. It really makes the world smaller, doesn't it?

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  10. I can understand completely what you are saying . Push and pull. Give and take. The fine balance . I have mentioned before with our little one, you gain perspective when glancing in the rear view mirror while driving full speed ahead. I am sure if you and I both were to look in that rear view mirror the girl we see in the past, even a year ago, is not e same woman we see now. We may not see it, but I know others can. We have gifts to share. As we keep moving forward we will be encouraged which will fuel the next step. Keep up the good/God work.

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  11. A very poignant post - it is hard to put yourself out there, to open your heart. But your word fo touch so many people - me included. Love your art and your words. Thanks.

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  12. wonderful collages!! i absolutely adore the multidimensional aspects of it. as for "
    Does it make sense in this world, the way we often feel like we're "crying" and "flying" at the same time?" I think the SCARY PART of that is when you far you will never get out of it - it can be exhilarating but ungrounding

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  13. Nicely said Sadee, it is still a struggle for me, too - finding my blogging voice and my artistic way..."becoming" just doesn't come with roadmaps! I always enjoy your thoughts. I myself am working through not always having to be "profound" or deeply spiritual - but I haven't quite gotten to making my art blog my diary either...but the voice is coming...I think it is hard to make my blog "mine" while knowing others are reading? Perhaps a type of people pleasing? (a besetting behavior from unhealthier days {smiles}) Blessings on your crying and flying! Love the rain drops, too!

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  14. I think that blogging is the greatest therapy ever but every single time I post there is a pause before I publish... I wonder if this time no one will read it, or if people will unfollow, or any other million negative thoughts... I love the courage that it makes me practice...
    I found the time when my daughter was young very much like you describe,not quite sure why it was like that, but it was time of questioning and great insecurity for me, but I have found that as she is older that my confidence and acceptance has grown, maybe it is surviving those tough early years, or maybe I am finally growing up, but it will get better... hang in there and keep making us this gorgeous work that brightens out days...xx

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  15. Love the combinations of the blue and brown hues in your first 2 photos.
    What a lovely palette!
    ♥♥♥
    Happy PPF!!
    Mary
    Mixed-Media Map Art

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  16. I think we all feel that way sometimes, I love these colors! :-)

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  17. Yes, blogging feels extraordinarily vulnerable. I used to operate on a FBI need-to-know basis, so sharing anything is stretching! Your work is beautiful.

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  18. I love how you are dealing with everything. Thanks for sharing. Blessings, Janet PPF

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  19. Yes I feel the exact same way! My blog has great lulls, the creative spirit goes into hibernation!! It's a sad state all around!! Hope you get a muse visit soon!! Everyone loves vulnerability...no one wants to compete with perfection!! You go girl...blog people are amazing!!

    Big hugs Giggles

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  20. I have reread your post several times because I found your post made me feel so good because it reminds me that there are others out there who feel the same way I do. I have felt so vulnerable on my blog at times and I am glad I did it even if it involved a bit of nervousness about doing it. Okay, more than a bit!

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  21. I adore your collage, the mix and balance of colors, textures and surfaces. I also totally relate to your words. I look forward to reading more :D

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  22. I totally get the vulnerable thing... the "who am I?" confusion. I read this Henry Nouwen quote today. Though I do not know you personally, from your authenticity in your art in your words I suspect you are compassionate too...
    “Compassion asks us to go where it hurts,
    to enter into the places of pain,
    to share in brokenness,
    fear,
    confusion,
    and anguish.
    Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery,
    to mourn with those who are lonely,
    to weep with those in tears.
    Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak,
    vulnerable with the vulnerable,
    and powerless with the powerless.
    Compassion means full immersion
    in the condition of being human.”
    ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

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Thank you for being kind with your words and generous with your time!