I have been painting for years. But recently I have begun to feel real purpose and passion. The only thing is, and this is hard for me to admit: in the last nine months I have been demoted from Domestic Diva to Domestic Dropout. (Thankfully I have a SWEET and amazingly understanding and supportive husband . . . who has become quite the "house-man.")
As a wife and stay-at-home-mom of two toddlers, this intense desire, this calling I have to create feels a bit, well, anti-homemaker. All of my creative energy is suddenly aimed at making art, even at the expense of cooking, decorating, and yes, cleaning. Wait, that's not true. Most of my creative energy is aimed at mothering and teaching my two bright little girls. What's left over is aimed at making art . . . because playing with paint and ink and pencils is so much more fun than doing the dishes.
"Your creative spirit is very, very forgiving. It doesn't care where you're going, or how busy you are, or if the house is clean, or even if you're afraid. It just wants you to recognize it from where you stand today--even with the hectic schedule, the overwhelming moments, the worries, and the ever-growing to-do list. We must embrace the idea that our creative dreams can begin from the very place we stand today, not 'after this' or 'after that' or even when everything else in our lives lines up perfectly." --Kelly Rae Roberts, from Taking Flight: Tips and Techniques to give your Creative Spirit WingsI'm struck by the similarities between what Kelly Rae Roberts says is the myth that our creative hearts must be put on the back-burner until all of life's busy-ness is sorted out, and the myth that you can plan and plan and plan to be ready for parenthood. I have a feeling that most parents would say that no matter how much or how little planning goes into having a baby; you never can be truly "ready" . . . and once that baby gets here, she needs intense nurturing and doesn't care what else you've got going on!
Life happens, and sometimes it's not what you expected and dramatically different from what you planned. God has a sense of humor and an uncanny way of surprising us.
I feel like I've been blessed with three babies in three years--two beautiful, real-life little girls, and one little vision of sharing my heART--a "little" vision that lately has also demanded a lot of nurturing!
"The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton, from "Song for a Fifth Child"While I do yearn for things to come back into some sort of "balance"--more time for the cooking and the cleaning and maybe a little decorating and renovation too--it is also a day I dread, in a way. I imagine that later I will look back upon these years as the season of "falling in love" with my daughters as well as with this boundless creativity and the One who inspires it.
And I can say, almost with certainty, that I won't remember the piled-up housework.